


To where does the fire go when it goes off?

by VivianDarkbloomD



Series: Fears (un)founded [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: A kind of death without death, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, He's back, Maybe Barry Allen never will leave Iris West, Non-Explicit Sex, Pain, Painful Sex, but a good end, i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-13 22:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7140680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VivianDarkbloomD/pseuds/VivianDarkbloomD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry was gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He left

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, babys!
> 
> The last episode left us only one thing: we're not sure of anything.
> 
> I mean, we can create theories (personally, I think it will look TOO MUCH as Flashpoint), but we're not sure of anything.
> 
> Originally, these were some thoughts (has some SO absurd) about what could happen to Westallen to separate or something like that. I promise I'm Westallen, but I love writing angst (I'm a bad person) and these thoughts just angered me to be written.
> 
> And thanks you so much for beta, Kayla <3 You saved my life!
> 
> One more thing: the title is adapted from a phrase that I found, when I find the author I will give due credit.
> 
> I hope you like it.

~~My Tumblr: ~~ [Personal ](http://viviandarkbloomvd.tumblr.com/)  ~~x~~  [To Westallen and Grandice Fics](http://waandgd.tumblr.com/)

Barry was gone.

No, Barry wasn't gone. Barry had disintegrated.

Barry had disintegrated after she told him all that she felt for him.

It wasn't fair, nothing of what was happening was fair.

_You hurt him was fair?_   Iris almost heard herself speaking in her head, her voice sharp and venomous.

But it wasn't only that it was unfair, but was the fact that a hero, Barry, was dead.

The fucking Flash had disintegrated. He was dead.

And collaterally, the man behind the mask was dead too.

Central City had lost its hero. She had lost her best friend, her hero and the love of her life. She lost the boy that even after so much misfortune could be so sweet and lovely. Her cutie nerd. A good man. A wonderful man who only did the good, even after so many ways to darkness.

This time, wasn't like when he was in a coma. When a person is in coma, there is always, at least, a small chance of waking up.

But he wouldn't open his eyes this time.

This time, he didn't even have eyes.

He had nothing.

The only reaction that Iris had was to cry. Her head felt like it was going to explode and her whole body ached as if she had been beaten.

To say that she would rather be beaten than see Barry disintegrate would be an understatement.

Her heart was aching so bad. In fact, pain seemed a mild word for what she was feeling.

The feeling could be described as someone threading several needles in her heart, after taking one by one with a sadistic smile. Then, taking her heart within someone's hand and shaking it, shaking it and squeezing it to a point that the nails pierce the muscle. So you could see the blood spurting and even with the heart out of her body, the pain could be felt. It was a terrifying pain. And in the end, to make a literal cliché, the person would hold the heart with both hands, give an evil smile and would pull in opposite sides: tearing it into two pieces.

And, of course, the person would step on it with a dark chuckle that would be in her head until her last second.

Iris was terrified to be able to define their pain in such details (right, she was a journalist, had to write well but it looked too dark to her), but had something that terrified her more:

When she thought of who was causing her pain, in those who had been to blame for the death of Barry, whom did the situation get to this point, in whom smashed her so bad, in whom did her fall apart, she didn't think of zoom, or even Barry.

She thought of herself.

And that made her sick.


	2. Doctor, can you give me morphine for my soul? Thank!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She tries, tries and tries. And it´s okay to fall, it´s okay to feel. One day, she will make it.
> 
> Sooner than she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I´M ALIVE! 
> 
> Thanks Alyssa for beta! 
> 
> Hope ya guys like it!

Sex.

Sex could be used for many things in many ways. Iris knew that.

Iris used to play this game in her head, how many things could undo the pain she felt? Thought that sex may numb her pain, even if only for a while.  


She desperately needed morphine for her soul.  


Obviously, the journalist did not allow to think about it real openly, but she knew. It was just another of her failed attempts to try to forget the pain that Barry's death caused. 

All were destroyed in their own way, each taking their pieces as they could.  


Henry was in his house near the lake. Iris did not see much that could  


Joe was divided among bogged down work and take care of her.  


Cisco had lost his sense of humor. To tell the truth, were weeks since Iris had seen him since  


Caitlin was still with Zoom.  


Jesse and Wally were holding each other, a lot of information and the death of a new friend.  


Harry was always in the lab, when he was not with Jesse, from time to time it could hear things falling on the floor, an obvious sign of frustration. However, Cisco did not complain with comments.  


And Iris was trying her best.  


It was her first date with Scott, he was fun, smart and beautiful. He deserved her attention, but she just smiled and made some comments.  


_(Iris's smile had changed, too. Before so big and bright, now so small and courteous)_

In the end, he went to leave Iris in her apartment. She tried to pass on the entire date in her head. Scott was good, it was not supposed to she did not have fun. But the memories of Barry, good and bad, invaded her head every time.  


Scott picked up a fork, her mind went to when Barry and she ate lasagna. Scott laughed, Iris remembered Barry’s laughter and how she wanted to smile just to see him smile.

This went on for the whole night.  


Scott turned to her, a sad smile on his face. He shook his head.

"You didn´t like this date." The certainty in his voice made Iris shaking, she had left so apparent?

"Of course I like it. It was..." She sighed, tired of pretending anything. She had pretended too much. "How did you find out?"

"I'm a journalist, Iris. This is because of Barry or Flash?" Iris felt her heart ache to hear his name, no one spoke the name of Barry since the funeral.

_(The Flash had been buried next to the person who put him on the path of heroism, Nora Allen. The difference? Clothes, objects and some stones were what filled his coffin. This tortured Iris at the night, not even a last look was granted, fucking stupid fire)_

To cover up suspicions, Harrison and her father agreed that Barry's death would 'happen' a few weeks after the disappearance of Flash.

She and Cisco disagreed. Barry had been a hero, he deserved to be recognized.

But Harrison just whispered something inaudible and Joe gave the look "that's settled."

She wanted to have had more forces to fight, but she was so tired of fighting.

Iris looked at Scott, the old memories and stupid hope Barry hitting her brain.

She could not have that hope again, he was dead. She had to make it stop.

Then Iris West leaned over and kissed Scott.

After a "you sure?" when they were in her room and a "huhm" from her, they finally had accelerated and he was inside her.

Iris was supposed to feel pleasure, she knew. Several people were using sex as an escape, but she could not.

_Barry is dead._

Like a mantra in her head.

_Barry is not coming back._

As a sad song that would not stop playing.

She let out a few groans, more emotional pain than anything else. Clearly, Scott did not notice it.

He was about cum, when Iris finally broke again.

It was a week that she did not cry, God knows how badly she tried not to cry. But it had finished, the tears returned.

Iris tried to hold on, Barry's image smiling at her in her head.

She would _never_ see that smile again.

Scott looked at her worried.

"Iris? I'm hurting you?" That _Iris_ , Barry spoke her name different.

The tears came stronger when she shook her head from side to side. Scott came out of her, picking his clothes around the room. He was not hurting her, not physically.

"S-Scott" Iris said through her tears, knowing he had an idea of the real reason.

Scott slammed the door shut, Iris tried to follow him. Try to say something. But she tripped over her own feet.

She cried lying naked on the floor, the image of Barry saying _'I'm okay, Iris'_   floating in her memory, seconds before he died.

"BARRY!" She shouted to the empty room. For her full head. For her cold tears. For her broken heart. For the drug of hope that was still inside her, who insisted her to wait for him.

For Barry, wherever he was.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me see what you think sz

**Author's Note:**

> I have ideas for more two chapters. If you like it, I'll post :3
> 
> Again, thanks, Kayla <3


End file.
